We've just celebrated Valentine's Day, which is traditionally a celebration of romantic love. The only truly universal love is the love of a child for its parent. This is the one kind of love we all experience, without exception. This is the gift our children give us.
When your teenager is slamming doors, shouting in your face or putting you down with cruel comments, it can be hard to remember that they love you, and maybe even hard to remember that you love them. But underneath this difficult behaviour is a solid foundation of love. Teenagers show us the worst of themselves because they know we have to love them anyway. They get to express their darkest emotions and most unlikeable behaviours with their families because no matter what we won't stop loving them. We provide them a safe place to learn how to deal with anger, frustration, nastiness, selfishness and all the other unpleasant traits that are part and parcel of being human. But through all the worst a teenager can throw at us, we love them and know that they love us.
This is what is meant by unconditional love. Even with the unconditional love of a parent, some young people really struggle to love themselves. Their belief in their family's love is a little shaky, and they don't always believe that they are loveable. This can cause them to become very quiet and withdrawn, as they have an unspoken belief that nobody wants to be with them or that people don't like them. Alternatively, some young people become perfectionists; pushing themselves incredibly hard to succeed as if being perfect is the only thing that will earn them love.
Our teenagers need to know that we accept them fully exactly how they are, even if how they are is different from what we expected. We need to remind them of that unconditional love. They are worthy of love just by being exactly who they are because they are our children. We shouldn't need anything from them, their mere existence is a miracle to us. Imagine knowing you are unique, special and loved without question. This is what creates confidence and self worth. Don't take for granted that your children know your depth of love for them. Tell them, with words and gestures, as much as you can.
All you need is love (doo de do de doo)
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