I am writing this on International Women's Day. There are so many ways in which our daughters are unfairly disadvantaged, it is hard to know where to start. But one issue that I hear our girls talk about again and again is body image.
I have yet to meet a woman that doesn't find something to dislike about herself when she looks in the mirror. Society has taught us to measure our value through our appearance. If we don't look good enough, then we aren't good enough. A woman owes it to the world to look a certain way, and the world will let us know quick enough if the way we look isn't what it wants.
We can judge ourselves so harshly for not being the weight we aspire to be, or for not having the 'right' body shape. I regularly meet teenage girls who can list their body flaws effortlessly: wrong colour hair, big thighs, fat stomach, bad skin, broad shoulders, big nose, big bottom, too tall, too short. Ask them to list what they do like about their appearance and they are momentarily silenced.
A fifteen year old girl doesn't want to be fat because we have taught her that fat is ugly, unattractive and wrong. She has learnt the lesson that how she looks matters more then her personality or her attributes. If she finds herself unattractive and undesirable, then that will colour all her interactions and drag down her self-confidence. She won't play in the sea with her friends because she is worried about how she looks in a bikini. She feels all eyes are on her as she walks down the street, judging her for how she looks. She won't answer a question in a lesson in case her classmates look at her and don't like what they see. Her poor body image is robbing her of a full life and is making her unhappy.
A poor body image can be changed. There are some simple steps you can take if you are worried about how your daughter sees herself. Talk to her about who she is following on instagram and ask how they are making her feel. Help her find some body positive women to follow instead, such as Lizzo, Rebel Wilson or Jada Sezer. Encourage her to talk about her feelings about her body. For every negative view of her body, can she come up with a positive one?
However by far the most powerful thing we as women can do is lead by example. Have you ever criticised your own body in front of your daughter? Have you ever counted calories in front of her or complained about your weight? Have you jumped into the sea in a bikini without caring what other people think? Do you frequently compliment her on her appearance, thus reinforcing the message that how she looks is the most important thing about her? If you own a weighing scale, is it on view or stored away? Do you comment a lot on other women's appearances?
The best things you can do for your daughter is to feel good about your own body, and to model body positivity.
You and your daughter can look in the mirror, and in Lizzo's words, say: 'I love you, you are beautiful and you can do anything!'
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