I have to confess that I love television. I know I'm not supposed to, and that I should be doing things with my time that are far better for me, like exercise or talking to friends. But I can't help it, television is a big part of my life. Alongside an obsession with This Is Us, my absolute favourite programmes are ones where I learn about people and their lives, where I get to see people change and grow, or be brave, or be totally honest about themselves. In other words, a programme where people have some kind of moving story or epiphany and I get to have a good cry. Some examples include Queer Eye, Worn Stories, A Secret Love, and Circus of Books. All on Netflix and all guaranteed to make you weep.
But one of my absolute favourites is an Australian documentary series called Love On the Spectrum. It follows adults on the autistic spectrum as they learn how to go on dates and form relationships with others. I sit on my sofa, with a massive grin on my face and tears in my eyes, as I watch these young people navigate love and dating.
When I was a teacher, I worked with a lot of children with autism, as there was a specialist provision for autism in our school. One of the first lessons I learnt from these kids was that no two children with autism are the same. One child may really struggle to make eye contact or hold a conversation, while another is desperate for your attention and wants to tell you everything they know about their favourite topic. Just like with any group of young people, there were introverts and extroverts, serious kids and funny kids, hardworking kids and lazy kids. They all had their own needs, and had to learn to navigate a world that was not designed for them. But they were all capable of learning and developing, and just like their peers they all changed and grew a lot during their time at school. Their brains worked differently to mine, but usually none of the cliches about autism applied.
One of the most common of these cliches is that they don't feel emotions strongly and that they don't make connections with other people. Love On the Spectrum blows this myth out of the water. It shows that people on the spectrum do want to go out with people, they can make close connections and they absolutely want to fall in love. They are more than capable of being emotional, empathetic and loving. In fact, sometimes they do it better than people who aren't on the spectrum, as this series shows. For a start, they are all incredibly honest about what they want from life, and also about what they find difficult and scary. Most adults would not feel comfortable making themselves this vulnerable to others by being so honest about their fears and desires. They all have a really good sense of themselves too; they have a really clear idea of who they are and what they need from a partner. They are not prepared to compromise their needs to make somebody else happy.
Another thing they are great at is having really clear boundaries. They know what they are comfortable with and communicate this really clearly and respectfully. If they need some time out, they take it. If they are feeling overwhelmed, they let their date know. How often do we hide our real feelings and try to put a brave face on it, instead of being honest? Maybe we are too worried about what the other person will think of us, instead of realising that they need to accept us as we are.
They are also incredibly brave. Many of them are terrified when they go on their first date, but they do it anyway. And if the date doesn't work out, they are brave enough to pick up the phone and let the other person down gently. How many people who aren't on the spectrum are this brave? If people on the spectrum, who can find life very challenging, are able to be honest and open, and put themselves out there, what's stopping the rest of us?
This series really shows that being on the spectrum means something different to each person, but all of the participants are capable of changing and developing as people, and all have the ability to have rich and fulfilling lives. In the second series there is a wedding, and I challenge anyone to watch it without sobbing their heart out.
This programme is not about the problems and difficulties of autism. Instead, it is about how although we are all different, the one thing we all share is the need to love and be loved. It is a celebration of what it means to be human. As long as watching television keeps bringing me this kind of joy, I'm keeping it a part of my life.
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