A few years ago, we had a knock on our door at about two in the morning. I woke up straight away and was on instant high alert; why is somebody knocking at this hour? I woke my husband up and sent him down to deal with it. From upstairs, I could hear the voice of a young woman, who sounded like she was crying and in real distress.
I ran down the stairs. She looked to be in her early twenties, and had obviously been on a night out and was pretty worse for wear. We got her in the door and sat her down at the kitchen table, and made her a cup of tea. Gradually her story came out. She had had a fight with her boyfriend, and had got a taxi home. The taxi had dropped her just near our door. We had left our hall light on, and she said that our house looked like somewhere safe, and she felt she could knock on our door and get help.
She told me that she was thinking about climbing onto the roof of her home, and jumping off.
We talked about what was going on in her life. She was having problems with her boyfriend and at work. She was feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. After about an hour, she had calmed down enough to feel like she could go home. I put my coat on over my pyjamas and walked her to her house, which was five minutes away. She had agreed to go and see her GP, and to talk to someone at work about how she was feeling. I gave her a cuddle, and watched her as she opened her front door and stepped inside. I never saw her again, but I still think about her sometimes and hope that she did as she said and got help.
I’ll never know if she would really have tried to kill herself, or what made her knock on our door and ask for help. But I do know that just talking to someone about how she was feeling and what she was thinking helped, and maybe I did save her life that night.
Up to one in four people between the ages of 16 and 35 have had suicidal thoughts. I don’t know a single adult that hasn’t been touched in some way by suicide, either directly or indirectly.
Lots of us are trained in first aid. When my daughter was a baby, I learnt how to administer CPR to adults and children. We all know to call 999 if we see a car accident or if someone collapses in the street. But how many of us know what to do if we suspect someone might be thinking about taking their own life?
I have just completed a free online suicide prevention course that took about 45 minutes. You can follow this link: https://www.zerosuicidealliance.com/training.
Suicide is not easily talked about, and can make us feel very uncomfortable. We use euphemisms and talk around the subject. ‘Are you thinking of doing something silly?’ ‘Are you having dark thoughts?’ ‘Does if all feel too much?’. But actually, the best thing we can do is be clear and direct with someone. ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’ ‘Have you thought about taking your own life?’. By getting it out in the open, and remaining calm about it, you are acknowledging the person’s feelings and giving them a genuine opportunity to talk about it, knowing they won’t be judged. Just by saying the word ‘suicide’ out loud you might be taking away some of the intensity of their suicidal thoughts. You can then signpost them to where they can go for professional help and support.
The training goes into a lot more detail and explains properly how to prepare for a conversation with someone who you suspect of feeling suicidal. If we can take away the shame and fear that surrounds this topic, we can start educating ourselves. We can acknowledge that suicide is preventable and that we are all capable of saving someone’s life by saying the right thing at the right time.
www.papyrus-uk.org a website that is for young people experiencing suicidal thoughts
https://www.zerosuicidealliance.com/training free training in suicide prevention
https://www.samaritans.org
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