Tomorrow is Safer Internet Day, and what most of us parents think about when we think about keeping the internet safe is sex. Maybe we worry about our teenager's access to porn, or maybe it is the thought of them sending or receiving nude selfies that is on our minds.
Whatever worries or concerns we may have about how our kids use the internet, like for everything else to do with our children, communication is the key. If we have made sex a taboo subject, as it was in many of our families when we were growing up, then it will be much harder for us to have conversations with our teenagers around using the internet safely.
No teenager wants to hear their parent bring up the subject of porn or nude selfies. It is embarrassing and awkward, but also necessary.
Good communication means being open with your son or daughter about your concerns, and the reasons for your concerns. You might decide to check their devices and internet history, but think carefully about how you react if you find something you didn't want to. Punishing your child might seem appropriate, but the most important thing is to have an open and honest conversation where you listen more than you talk.
If you find porn, check in with how they feel about what they've seen. Maybe address the unreality of porn, and how misleading it can be. It might be the right time to talk about sex and consent, and respecting others. To me, the objectification of women is a really important subject to raise. It is also important to acknowledge that puberty brings with it sexual desire, and that it is a completely normal part of growing up. You can have clear boundaries in place about what they can and cannot do on the internet, without making your child feel dirty or bad.
We want our children to stay safe, and that means checking in that they understand the problems with sending or receiving inappropriate images such as nude selfies. Many teenagers don't know that it is illegal to have nude images of under 18s on their phones, even if it is of themselves. The way the adolescent brain develops means they think less about the consequences of their actions and that they are more impulsive. It is up to us to point out the possible consequences of sharing images to a boyfriend or girlfriend. They might be completely in love, and they are not thinking about six months later when the relationship is over but the images still exist. it is also up to us to make sure they can recognise when someone is pressurising them to do something they don't want to do, and that they know they can say 'no'. If is so important to have these conversations, even if you are both cringing with embarrassment, as it means we are keeping our children safe.
The aim is create a relationship where your child feels able to talk to you, knowing that you are not going to get angry or judgemental or completely shut them down.
The website https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/ has some short videos on how to talk to teenagers about these issues, as part of their #AskTheAwkward campaign.
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