This was my daughter's first day back at school. I thought to myself, I better write a blog about kids starting a new school year. Maybe a 'top tips for the return to school' or something like that. But the truth is I don't really have any top tips. What working with young people has taught me is that each one is an individual, and that you can absolutely never predict what is going on in their heads. I have absolutely no way of knowing what is going on in your teenager's head about going back to school, and unless they tell you, neither do you. They may be absolutely refusing to go. They might be in floods of tears at the school gates, or they may have had no sleep the night before and look like pale ghosts with haunted eyes. They might refuse to eat breakfast. The first few days might go really well, and then for no obvious reason they start slamming doors, staying in their room and ignoring all attempts to engage.
If you are worried about your child, I can guarantee there are thousands of other parents out there with exactly the same worries, dealing with exactly the same behaviours. There can be a real comfort in finding out that other parents are going through the same thing. That is why forums on websites like Family Lives or The Mix are really helpful. We can learn that we are not alone, and that we are not failing as parents. Lots of other parents and teenagers are struggling with the same issues. But at the same time your child is unique, your relationship with them is unique, and what works for one family is not necessarily going to work for yours. Hence my reluctance to write a '10 top tips' blog.
However, there is one universal truth: it's good to talk. Getting a worry out there and opening up to someone else about how you are feeling is the first step to making things better. This is as true for the parent as it is for the child. Your teenager might be very reluctant to open up to you, but that doesn't mean that they won't talk to someone else. It could be someone at school, or someone else in the family. It could be a professional like myself. One big advantage about coaching is that for some teenagers it doesn't have the stigma that therapy or counselling may have, and they are often willing to engage with a coach while refusing any other kind of help.
I can never predict what a client's worry or issue is going to be when they first walk through my door. I'll have heard from their parents or their teachers, but again and again what is really the issue is something completely different. My client is the expert, they know themselves better than anyone. I am there to enable them to find the solution within, not to tell them what to do. To find the solution, they first need to speak the problem out loud. Once that conversation has started, the young person's confidence grows as they learn that they can help themselves and that they have the strength to change.
It never fails to amaze me how powerful one conversation can be. If your child is anxious about going back to school this September, or you're anxious about how your child is going to cope, don't be afraid to open up to someone else and start the conversation. Don't expect your child to be able to talk to you, but absolutely give them the opportunity to have that conversation with someone.
https://community.themix.org.uk/
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